What do you do when your world comes crashing down around your ears? Do you hide your head in the rubble or do you pick yourself off, dust your clothes, and start rebuilding?
I have found those who do the first tend to be those who lean too heavily on their own ability to handle things. And when it gets bad, they hide from the world because they can not imagine having to pull themselves out of the mess, whether it was of their own making or not. I will admit...I was a hide-my-head person until September of 08. Then Jesus got a hold of my heart and he hasn't let go since. When things would go bad, I would hide and then get depressed. I couldn't imagine how my life could be turned around.
Which brings me to the second type of person. I have found that if you believe in Jesus, you are able to move past a collapse of your life, dreams, or aspirations because YOU are not in control. You know that Jesus will never leave you (Matthew28:20b) and so it is easier to see how to rebuild, knowing that you are not doing it on your own. I have been a person to move though the destruction since I came to Christ.
Does this mean that I'm never "down in the dumps" or that I never try to do things on my own? Of course not. It is human nature to want to "do-it-ourselves". But the big things...Alex's medical problems, all of his surgeries, and his death...I'm able to make it through. And I'm not the one who is strong. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phillippians 4:13)
It is not easy, but following Christ was never meant to be easy. It is hard to give up everything to Him...our hopes, dreams, and aspirations as well as the hurt, pain, anger, and depression. And I'm not perfect at it. I still struggle with giving my infertility to God...as well as my fears of "what if..." But I am trying. And I know that when tragedy strikes again, and it will, I will be able to lean on Jesus and let him carry me through it so that I can start rebuilding on the other side.
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